Starting school can be a complex and emotional time for children and their parents. Some children say goodbye on the first day of school and never look back. Others seem fine at first, but experience feelings of anxiety or sadness weeks after they begin school. Still others seems as though they will never be OK without a parent nearby. Parents may also experience mixed feelings: excitement, sadness, concern. It’s important to remember that the feelings and the process may differ from family to family, but the goal of having our children feel safe and secure when saying goodbye, is one we all share.
What allows a child to gently move into a new environment is a feeling of connectedness. This connection can be with a teacher, other children or a pet or object in the class. Teachers and parents can help establish a connection. Bringing a family picture or a “lovie” to keep in the cubby helps some children. Sometimes, handing the child something from your purse or pocket to keep until you return, can be reassuring.
If a parent would like to stay in the class until the child feels comfortable, they can encourage the child to ask the teacher for help when needed. The child may alternate between exploring and then checking in with the parent. The parent can respond to the child and then encourage him/her to return to playing. Parents may notice that transitions are stressful for children (clean up, snack, etc.). Teachers are prepared to ease children through these times using songs, poems, or finger plays.
The decision of when to leave should be made with the teacher’s help. The most important thing is to always say goodbye before leaving. Although it might seem like sneaking out will be less painful for the child, the opposite is usually true. If a child feels that when they turn their back a parent might leave, they may not let the parent out of their sight. Our experience is that a brief goodbye with the reassurance that the parent will be back later, works best. Also reassure the child that the teachers are there to take care of him/her. Teachers will help with snack, lunch, the bathroom, etc.
Saying goodbye but not leaving can send a confusing message to a child. The child may pick up on a parent’s ambivalence and feel more nervous. Teachers are well-prepared to help a sad, crying or angry child after a parent leaves. And the office is always open to help a sad, crying or angry parent! Feel free to call or email during the day to check on your child’s progress.
The first day of school can be a very emotional time, and the separation process is different for everyone. Our teachers have supported many families in this process, and we’re here to help you, too!
